Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Inner joy missing

I haven't been able to make puppets since Mamisha passed away 5 months ago. In fact, the last puppets I made are the Sex and the City Girls, which I made back in March I think. This is making me anxious, I must admit.

Making puppets is somehow connected to a place of creative inner joy, which I haven't been able to tap into lately, obviously. I just cannot bring myself to cut foam, not to mention actually sit down and design a puppet. I want to, I have several specific puppets I want to make, but I just cannot bring myself to actually sit down and do it. Just like a diet I cannot start (which reminds me, I also can't get any weight off).

I also haven't been operating puppets for a long while, not for significant amounts of time anyway. I think the puppets are means of communication with people, and were a way of playing and relieving Mamisha's (and mine) stress and pain, and now that she is gone - I don't need them as means of communication, cause she isn't here anymore, so I just let them sit quietly and stare at me. I actually feel guilty towards a specific puppet I hardly touched for months now. Oy.

If you have any inspiring words to share, please do. I believe this fear that "I lost IT" is caused by mere anxiety and nothing more, but who knows? All artists are afraid of losing the creativeness, we are nothing without it aren't we?


Queenie Pooh said...

I believe with all my heart that you haven't lost "IT". "IT" is a central part of you. Your inner joy may be missing, but it is not lost. Grieving is a process and there is not set timetable. In the grand scheme of things 5 months is a moment. Just looking at the pictures you post I can see that your creative spirit flows in everything you do. That spirit can sustain you even if you are not creating something in the material world.
Know that you are loved.

JacBer said...

Don't beat yourself up about it.
If you are anxious about being anxious then it'll only get worse.
Things take time, just relax and accept that you're having a pupper making holiday, and when you're ready you'll be all refreshed and an even more super puppet maker than before :-)

Sharona R - שרונה ראובני said...

Oh, thank you for your sweet words of encouragement Jac and ye all mighty Queenie Pooh! It means a lot to me.